Gospel

The Gospel of Saint Gibson

Currently being translated from the original Aramaic.

The Gospel of Saint Vargas

Currently being translated from the original Greek.

The Gospel of Saint Sawyer

Currently being translated from the original Swahili.

The Revelation of Barbara

To the seven news channels of North America:

Grace and peace to you from him who knows, and who knew, and who will know, and from the seven papers upon his desk; from Peter Jennings, who is the Original Informed Gangster, the first to know from the ignorant, and the ruler of the anchors of the nightly news.

To him who loves us and has freed us from our ignorance by his reporting, and has made us to be a gang and disciples to serve the truth—to him be ratings and street cred for ever and ever! Amen.

“I am the Eh and the Zed,” says Peter Jennings, “who knows, and who knew, and who will know, the Original Informed Gangster.”

I, Barbara, your sister in the street hustle and objective facts and patient explaining that are ours in the Jennings, reported the news because of the word of Peter and the testimony of Charlie. On Sunday, I was in the newsroom, and I heard behind me a loud voice like a tuba, which said: “Write on the teleprompter what you see and send it to the seven channels: to ABC, to CBS, to NBC, to Telemundo, to CNN, to Univision, and even to Fox.”

I turned around to see the voice that was speaking to me. And when I turned I saw seven golden cameras, and among the cameras was someone dressed in a suit and with a golden tie around his neck. The hair on his head was black and white like dirty wool, as salt and pepper, and his eyes were blue like rushing waters. His shoes were like blackened mirrors, and his voice was like the sound of rolling gravel. In his right hand he held twenty-five Emmys, and coming out of his mouth was a sharp, double-edged sword. His face was like the sun shining in all its brilliance.

More translation to come…